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Eurovision Song Contest 2014 is here! We have a very odd threesome of comperes – Nikolaj, Pilou and Lise, (I can only hope that Lise’s outfits improve over the next two nights…the glittery white one sleeved number with puffball was rather awkward) and sixteen eager competing countries. The Latvians have a cake to bake, but thankfully do not go through. The Armenian entrant reminds me of Anthony Callea, but proceeds regardless. Portugal have big drums, the hint of a wind machine, and a godawful dress on their lead singer – FAIL. Belgium is like where Andrew Lloyd Webber’s lyrics go when they have a dark moment at the therapist’s office – just no. San Marino have a giant clam, a wind machine and a crap song – OF COURSE they proceed. Hungary is devilishly cute but an up-tempo song about child abuse and domestic violence? OMFG. And yes, he is through to the next round. The Russians have the very beige blonde Tolmachevy twins (Junior Eurovision Song Contest winners from 2006). There are also acts with trapeze artistes, ice skaters, whatever. So, who am I liking amid all this? Three contestants who OMG actually qualify – Iceland, Ukraine and the Netherlands. Iceland are like the Wiggles on party drugs with a pile of Ramones records, Ukraine is hotness, a wind machine and a full-size hamster (or is that manster?) wheel, and the Netherlands are just super gorgeous in a country and western kinda way. Did I mention they are singing a really good song? Not what you’d expect from Eurovision, but I like it…Thank you Julia Zemiro and Sam Pang for a great night on SBS 1. See you tomorrow for the second semi final…


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